Saturday, January 13, 2007

And mine.

I thought came to me a little while ago, while I was leafing through some wedding materials and simultaneously organizing my law books as the new semester has landed on my door, "I'm beginning to feel a lot like a bride."

Why yes, I blog, and shop and love The Knot website, and The weddingchannel boards. But, honestly, up until now I treated the above more like a project, find out all there is to know about weddings and become proficient.

Perhaps it's because I bought my dress - yes, I finally did (more on that later.) Or, maybe it's because the year that I'm going to get married started a couple of weeks ago, and the wedding thus appears timely, or maybe it's moments like the other night when we sat down to watch tv, and while we pressed pause (I love DVR) and dissected and discussed the show (as we often do), we got lost in a conversation about anything and everything (as we often do), and I thought to myself, "I can't wait wait for our lives to 'begin', we have so much fun together, doing absolutely nothing."

Now perhaps it was the appendectomy oxy codone induced state of euphoria- it gives me a penchant for the mushies. But, I really think - not.

Rather, I've felt the shift in the wind. It's as if we've claimed our fiancedom - a state of lifelonglovepreparation - and taken off its training wheels. And now we're flying solo, working together, nurturing our relationship, each other, and the lifetime we have before us. Planning as 'us', living as 'us, and being 'us.' So that what I'm feeling is the spawning buds of all of our very hard work. And I'm able to bear witness to the moment in time that our foundation begun to cement. It felt like Jane AND John for such a long time, I an apendage to him, the girlfriend to his 'my', and he the John to my 'and I'.

But what a wondrous blessing to be cognizant of the specific moment in time where our foundation cemented and John and Jane simply became US. It was last night wacthing Judge Judy, when his 'my,' and my 'and I' became simply entwined. And he would state later on the next day casually as

And I thought, "I feel like a bride."


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