Monday, December 08, 2008

It's been a while

Again, I'm sorry to say this again, but I apologize for my lack of posting in the last couple of weeks. I've had a really hard time staying engaged with all the wedding planning (absolutely no pun intended). Every time I think about tasks I need to do for the wedding, I've been saddened by the fact that I don't have a single bridesmaid to go along with me. My girls are spread far and wide, from a little town in Southwest Virginia, to my sister cum maid of honor in London. I have girls in Pittsburgh, Rochester, and New York City. I have friends here in the area, but I feel bad asking them to take time out of their busy schedules to do cheesy wedding stuff - I'd feel less bad if they were in my bridal party because it's kind of their unofficial duty, you know? Thinking about wedding stuff made me so sad and feel so lonely sometimes that I wanted to cry, so I just started avoiding it. But I knew it wasn't supposed to be like that, so it saddened me even more.

I'm not blaming the girls. It's so easy to become involved in your own life when a wedding in 9 months...in another city - heck, in another state - is so far away. If anything, it's my fault for not reaching out to them more (although, I was kind of disappointed that some of them didn't even respond to my email about our engagement pictures, but I wasn't actually surprised). Also, I'm not blaming my fiance, either (probably some of you were asking where has he been during all this). He has been very supportive and has even offered to go shoe shopping with me. It's just not the same, you know? He won't want to spend a night perusing bridal magazines to drool over the stationery and centerpieces the way I know (at least some) of my bridesmaids would. For a while, I thought I was depressed, and that really worried him. But really, I think it was just loneliness.

Yesterday, I had a good long talk with my sister. She's been wonderful, but she's also in London, so sometimes I don't hear from her for a week or two, and again that makes me sad and just not want to think about all the wedding planning. Note that I say "planning" because I'm completely not scared of getting married. In fact, sometimes my fiance and I kid around about just getting married "this weekend." Of course, I would never do that. I love event planning too much - and there's the logistics of it (Pre-Cana has to be finished, we've paid for the venue, photographer, etc.). Anyways, during my talk with my sister, I was able to come out of my mini-depression. If my girls are less than responsive, then that's their problem. I will email them all I want and forget about pestering them. The least they could do is not respond. And if they don't respond, then their loss and I'll just keep on planning the wedding.

Has anyone felt anything like this? A sort of reversal of all the pomp and circumstance that comes after the engagement announcement? Anyways, I promise to do better. For all of you ladies at least.

On with the show!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I completely relate to this. I only have one attendant and she's out of state and her husband is going through some serious health problems so I don't want to bother her with wedding stuff. My mom is also in another state and my future in-laws are in another country so I don't have anyone close to come along for the girly wedding stuff. As a result, I've put off buying a dress so long that I don't think I can have one ordered anymore- it's off the rack/pre-owned for me.

Monday, December 08, 2008 10:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have totally been there! My Matron of Honor is pregnant and due the month before my wedding. She cant help or come to the shower or bachelorette party. My mom is out of state. I have a Maid of honor too, that is helpful, but in a new relationship herself, so busy.
Mr. CP keeps reminding me that I get to do this one time. One time only. So i should do whatI have to do to enjoy it. Thats my advice to you too :)

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 9:20:00 AM  
Blogger Christiana said...

I'm there, but luckily many of my girls are in town. I've actually had people offer to come help with my DIY projects and such. I found that if you ask, they will come.

I always try to turn the afternoons into fun affairs with mimosas, dessert, etc. Its hard to get over "bridal guilt" but i think its important to ask.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 3:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I definitely feel like this. One friend is going through a divorce, the other just had her second child and is out of state. We're paying for the wedding ourselves and six months into engagement my fiance left his job and has had a really hard time finding something else. My mother is very flustered and stressed by my grandmothers declining mental health. I've done everything on my own, even bought my dress online and haven't even had a chance to show my mother. FMIL is great but doesn't get into this stuff, after raising 4 boys, 3of which remain bachelors in their 40s, I can see why. All I get from her is "How's the planning coming along?" I admit I'm a bit of a control freak on my DIY stuff for the wedding but I don't have much to hand out to 'get people involved,' since we're having a small wedding. FMIL and Mother have come with me on separate trips to see reception venue but that's about it. To be honest I feel like my co-workers know more about my wedding than my friends and family.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 3:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

With all of my bridesmaids and my mother out of state on top of my having moved to a new city within the last year and not knowing many people, I definitely identify with the loneliness of planning. In fact, I've had a hard time identifying with the giddiness of planning that is depicted on all the t.v. wedding shows just because I don't have anyone to share it with. Like you, though, I probably just have to reach out more. Good luck!

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 5:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can totally relate! All my maids are in the midwest and west coast. On top of that my fiance and i are new to the DC area and havent really met to many people, we would consider "good" friends. My maid of honor, my sister is a young 17 years old so she has a tough time relating.
I can say hearing your story and of the other nearly weds makes me feel much better.
Good luck to you all!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 8:57:00 AM  

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