Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Plus One?

Dear readers, I have a dilemma.

Mr. GP and I are ramping up to send out our Save The Dates next week. But while finalizing the guest list we have a couple dilemmas.

We have a few friends that are in relationships - some of the Significant Others we know, are friends with, and see often. Others? Well...not so much.

Now the thing is, we didn't want to invite those who were not married/engaged/living together with guest. But we have a few friends who are in relationships, long term relationships (longer than Mr. GP and I have been together) who well...I feel like we kind of HAVE to invite them with a guest. Even though they are neither married, nor engaged, nor living together.

But how do we invite....say...two or three of these friends with guest and the others - even if they're in relationships though not necessarily long term (nor have we met the Significant Other)- without guest? You can't right? But it's just, for instance, not appealing to me to invite a good friend of mine with his girlfriend who is still in college that I've never even met. That might be me being stingy with my guest list but the room holds 110 - we were shooting to invite 100 to keep numbers down and we're at 111 not including the 7 people we count as children (jr. bridesmaid, ring bearer and brother, etc..) so 118 total. Five more puts us over 120.

It would only add 4 maybe 5 people to the guest list so it might be worth it to suck it up especially since a large number of these people are traveling from out of town.

What is your Plus One policy??

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Blogger AmyJean {Relentless Bride®} said...

I've been told i was a bridezilla... but mine is:

"No house, no spouse, no ring... No BRING!!"

I'm not trying to judge anybody's relationship, but with a budget, you make some sacrifices and if Bob's "friend" is someone i don't know and probably won't ever see again... well i'd rather invite Suzy from college with that spot!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 1:00:00 PM  
Blogger Clean and Green Life and Wife said...

exactly. I couldn't agree more. We're paying for our wedding ourselves, and we're just really unable to see the justification in paying another $100+ per plate for a boyfriend of a friend from home that has never made an effort to meet my fiance and I on the rare ocassion we've been back on the east coast. These girl friends of mine go through like 2 boyfriends a year, so if feelings are going to be hurt than don't come. If you can't understand and just be happy that you're coming to celebrate with us. Our rule is: married, engaged, or we've hung out with you TWO as a couple multiple times. People who assume their boyfriend or girlfriend is invited is just assuming that we have endless amounts of money. Not our problem.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 1:07:00 PM  
Blogger Only One Heidi said...

phew! glad i'm not the only one with this attitude! thanks for the advice gals :)

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 1:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have to disagree with everyone else here... M and i both agree that our age(s) it's just not right to leave out a date for someone... especially if they're traveling to attend our wedding. it's just common courtesy. i could understand if the people were younger, say in their college or just out of college years but people in their mid-20's and up should be allowed a date. you never know how they'll react to your not address TO Friend & Guest. they may be insulted or hurt.
on top of that the standard rule of thumb is that 20% will not be attending anyway so you should be safe with the space.
we're on a tight budget too but these few people who aren't in "serious" relationships or any relationship we know of are still getting an invite that says "and guest". you never know... someone you think is guy-of-the-month may very well be the man she ends up marrying someday and then you'll have egg on your face.
just my 2cents and a differing POV

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 1:25:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Fairfax said...

Yes! We are trying to sort out the very same issue! We haven't set a hard and fast policy yet, but we are trying to consider whether a guest will have other friends or acquaintances at the wedding. To some degree we are also considering if we know the significant other and what our relationship with them is.

I'm sure some people will end up a little annoyed but we're paying the bill and we're doing the best we can.

We don't plan to send Save the dates with an open-ended "an guest" I think we're going to cross that bridge when it's time for invites to go out. We'll see...

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 1:55:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Cleveland Park said...

We went through this same kind of thing. First, we allowed anyone in a relationship thats part of the bridal party, to bring thier significant other. Then we decided if we hang out with them as a couple a lot, then we should invite both, because, well, we wanted them there to share our day! About a year and a half ago, I was invited without my +1 and me and Mr. CP were newly living together. I was pretty hurt. I finally had this great guy to show off, and I still had to go solo! (lets not even discuss the empty chairs at this wedding, because I will get all kinds of fired up) Lets face it, weddings are much more fun when you can enjoy a slow dance. but the truth is...Its your day and you can invite whoever you want and not invite whoever you want. I am still friends with my friend who didnt invite him, and people get over it. I do think that if there obvious people not invited, it should be addressed to your friend. I didnt know until the invite came. If she had told me and explained, I may have been a little more understanding.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 1:58:00 PM  
Blogger stag05 said...

I agree with notsojenny. I've been invited to weddings as a solo (even since I've been engaged), and it's always kind of insulting. Weddings are not as fun without dates, and if these people are really your friends you should be polite/nice and invite them with their boyfriend/girlfriend whenever possible. I think it's really just rude to invite people as singles when you know they've been in a relationship for a while.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 4:57:00 PM  
Blogger Only One Heidi said...

@miss CP - fiance was invited to a friends wedding over the summer without me. He rsvp'ed with me because he didn't notice it was only to him - this was after we bought airfare. She told him that they couldn't afford to allow people unmarried/engaged to bring guests. Thankfully he had the ring at that time so he mentioned to her that we'd be engaged before the wedding.

Still i was mildly hurt too when i wasn't invited with him since we had been living together for almost a year and the bride (who he was friends with) knew it (he thought she just didn't know but she did.)

either way, it was fine. we got engaged. he brought me to the wedding. all was well but this is why i'm so hesitant. i mean since there are so few...i guess it doesn't matter. But the one person who's girlfriend i haven't met is the one i don't want to invite with guest. the others i have. i'm just worried he won't attend since his ex girlfriend who is in my bridal party will be there with her boyfriend (whom he doesn't like. he gets...emo. dare i say) i should note they've been broken up since 2005 and he still gets dramatic about this kind of stuff.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 5:02:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Glen Allen said...

For our wedding, we're allowing +1 only if they are engaged or if the live and own a home together couple. All of the solos are part of our circle of friends, so they will know a large number of the guests and will not really be on their own. If there's a solo guest that you know won't know any of the other wedding guests, then, you may consider the +1 option for them. I would and for one guest we have, only because we want everyone to have a great time and have someone they're already familiar with to be their company to throughout the wedding.

Thursday, January 08, 2009 9:16:00 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

This has been tough for us as well - I have a very large family so we have had to limit our friends, etc. So far our rule has been if you aren't in a serious relationship you don't get a +1. For us this loosely meant that we should have met you and you should have been dating by the time the save-the-dates went out. This means there are several friends and family without a +1 but they have all been understanding - most of them aren't even casually dating someone. If we find we have room as the date approaches we'll be happy to extend the invitation to guests of our friends.
It's hard to feel as though you aren't being rude but if you are like me you will never be able to invite all of the people you want - while you want your guests to have a good time make sure it's not something that adds stress for you.

Thursday, January 08, 2009 10:59:00 AM  
Blogger l said...

I'm with Jess with the policy: if you weren't together when we got engaged/ save the dates went out, you don't get to come. Married/engaged/living together is too stringent for me (couples move to different stages at different paces). This line is less stringent if the invitee won't know anyone else there.

For friends who have recently started dating, I'll make it clear that he/she can come, but they're not granted "plus one" if they break up.

Also, I'll reiterate advice that sealed the deal for me: if someone's flavor of the month comes, you just KNOW she'll end up front and center in every picture from your wedding. In twenty years, you'll be more likely to wonder "who is that?" than "why wasn't she there?".

Thursday, January 08, 2009 3:02:00 PM  

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