rsvp frustration

battle #1:

mr uva and i invited 167 people to the wedding with the hope that we would have 150 guests or fewer. with our big families, this meant that a lot of "and guests" were not included - only for those people who were engaged or living together. since invitations have gone out, i have noticed that mr. uva and i have some bold friends and family members - "can i bring my boyfriend?", "my girlfriend and i will see you in july"...seriously!? it's a little bit shocking that people would openly ask. the alternative, however, is that they might just show up at the wedding and we'll have to make room for these "and guests".

battle #2:

mr. uva and i have been engaged for over 2 years now. and the wedding date has not been a surprise. we've had july 3rd scheduled for a long while, which is why it was quite a surprise when several family members let us know that they weren't going to be coming. if 2 years isn't enough notice, i must have some seriously "in-demand" family members. i'm trying not to take it personally, but it makes me sad to know that these family members feel like they a)have more important things to be doing or b)don't feel like sharing in our big day and spending time with family is important enough for a trip to c'ville.

of course the festivities will be wonderfully fun no matter who shows up...just a little pre-wedding stress, right?

How to Choose a Reception Venue

In spite of the fact that my account at The Knot insists that I have 361 items to do on my checklist before our wedding this September, I feel pretty good about the current state of our wedding plans (ask me again in five minutes). We have decided on the venue for the reception, which proved to be the first big choice that we had to make. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I always pictured myself having a small wedding, maybe 30 people tops, barefoot on a Caribbean beach. Plans have changed a bit.

We chose the Marriot Key Bridge in Arlington, Virginia, as our reception locale. Where it lacks waves crashing against white-sand beaches, tropical plants, and the salty smell of the ocean, it makes up in convenience for us and our guests. As Mr. Cathedral Heights’s family is from Peru, Colorado, and Miami, and my family is mostly in Maine and California, with a few sprinkled in Texas, a large percentage of our guests are traveling to D.C. for the occasion. It was important to us to have the wedding in a location that offered nearby, affordable lodging and convenience to public transportation. The Marriot Key Bridge sits across the Potomac from Georgetown, not far from the Metro, and the DC Circulator bus passes right by, taking passengers to Georgetown, Dupont Circle, and downtown DC. This will work very well for our families and it will offer them the chance to explore the city in the off-wedding hours.

Choosing a venue for the reception proved a difficult task. I had so many thoughts racing through my head--whether to base the decision on what I wanted, what Mr. CH wanted, what would be most convenient for guests, what would be the most eco-friendly approach. Did I want to base the whole event on budget, attempting to keep the numbers at an all-time low while sacrificing more of my sanity or did I go with the hotel that barely fit in our budget and came with planners to help with the entire procedure? The Marriott package came with a cocktail hour, three-course dinner, cake, tables and chairs, centerpieces, table settings, discount rooms for guests, a suite for the newlyweds on the night of the wedding...need I go on? For a gal like myself, who isn't especially experienced at planning events that include more then chips, dip, and a keg, the Marriott sounded better and better. Plus, it had been recently renovated and offered a beautiful view of the city from the top floor, where the reception would take place.

We breathed a huge sigh of relief the day we put the deposit down on the Marriott Key Bridge. The first major step was complete. Now, for the other 360 to do's...

dilemmas and resolutions

As we roll into 2010, I'm realizing that all those months of planning have set me ahead of the game in many respects, but we do still have some things to figure out. My two biggest wedding resolutions/to-dos for 2010 include:

1. seriously finalizing our guest list - I have about a week to finish this before our save the dates go out and there are a lot of emotions surrounding the guest list - who knew?!

2. figuring out what we're doing about our registry - our save the dates have the link to our wedding website (thus registry information) and I have already been fielding questions from inquiring relatives about our registry. Mr. UVA and I have been living together for several years now and our house is pretty well set up. The wishlist we have compiled for our house doesn't play very well with gift registries. Seriously, what do you do in this case? Why doesn't Anthropologie have a gift registry? Can you register for cash dolla dolla bills, a down payment on a house, tuition for a masters program? Can you register for big pieces of furniture or artwork? How do people do this and not end up with things you don't need or want? Registries are tough man!

Can't wait for another year with the future hubby though - he's pretty wonderful!

Happy New Year everyone!

Plus One

We didn't invite most guests with a plus one. We invited the ones who were in relationships, living together, married or whatever but many guests did not get a plus one status.

One friend did....despite my better judgement. He WAS dating a girl much younger, whom he had moved in with a few months ago so I figured if I invite most others with their significant other, then he should be too.

Apparently, she recently broke up with him.

The invite was not "Friend and Guest." It was "Friend and Girlfriend." Therefore, one would think that friend would not try to bring "and guest." Any guest.

Friend is now using facebook to find a date for my wedding because you see, friend and one of my bridesmaids dated back in college. They were both in my main posse back in college, he was roommates with my ex, her and I became close pals, along with her former roommate who became another good pal of mine and a bridesmaid.

So I'm a little peeved that friend is so worried about being uncomfortable around Bridesmaid and her boyfriend (that she began dating right after they broke up in 2005) that he's advertising a guest spot to my wedding on facebook.

I find this incredibly tacky, and rude. Emily Post would be rolling over in her grave if she only knew.

Granted, I told him the other night when he told me that his girlfriend left him that he could still bring someone - but not to bring a blind date (he was trying to get ex's former roommate bridesmaid to bring a pal of hers as she grew up in Baltimore) bring someone he'd have fun with but not to feel like he HAD to bring someone - mostly because he tends to get...a little emo when his heart is broken, don't we all, but I knew that telling him he couldn't bring someone so soon after being..dare I say...dumped might not go over well.

But, we're all adults no? I'm sure he can tolerate being around his ex for a few hours... they both went to a wedding of a mutual friend last year and survived.

Still though, I'm peeved. Advertising it on the facebook? Isn't that pushing the plus one limit??? I'm trying not to be super bitchy about this all, but I'm offended, especially by the fact that not everyone was invited with a guest as our policy was relationships only so should I tell him - hey I don't care if you bring someone but don't advertise it over the facebook? Or should I tell him he was invited with his girlfriend and while I'm so sorry that she broke his heart, he was invited with her not just "a guest."

What would you say? Am I over reacting??

The Out of Town Bag Wiki

The Out of Town Bag: To do or not to do? I hadn't initially planned to put together out of town bags, but after talking with my Future Mother-in-Law I came out with a new stance on the issue. I'm not going to stress over them, and they won't be super fancy, but I'm going to do them.

Ours won't be quite this fancy, but how cute!

FMIL has had the opportunity to travel to a number of weddings in the past couple years, friends of the family in New England, nieces and nephews in far off islands and New Jersey. With all the traveling to distant and not-so-distant lands, she said that she and FFIL, were always grateful for a little note from the bride and groom, and at the very least, a couple of restaurant suggestions where they can grab a bite or get some coffee.

I love the gable boxes! I wonder what treats are inside?

Whenever I travel someplace, I go to town with the Google maps. If you've never used the "My Maps" function you should check it out stat. I'll wait.

Pretty cool, no? But I realize not everyone is like me, mapping out everything and researching before they travel somewhere. Hence, there will be out-of-town bags for our out-of-town guests!

Love it! Simple and adorable!

I've already got a short list of places I'll recommend to guests and we've started composing our welcome note, but what else should we put in? We don't have much budgeted for this, but I want to include one unique item. Preferably something local that says, "You're in Virginia!"

I checked out WeddingBee's wiki section to see what they had to say. They have a great wiki on OOT bags, with ideas for special items for specific cities...but NOTHING FOR VIRGINIA, DC or MARYLAND! What?!

The DMV

So come on, let's get the ball rolling! Leave me your ideas for unique out of town bag items in the comments! Let me know what state or region (i.e. "Virginia," "the Eastern Shore," They Northern Neck," "DC," etc.), and what item you would suggest (and why! if you want to). Also, what do you consider a great essential? Bottled water? Granola bars? Local map? Leave it in the comments! Can't wait to see what great ideas we come up with!!

Fun with Google!

Both Mr. Fairfax and I have pretty unique surnames, so I don't think I really needed to worry about someone stealing my new name gmail handle, but just 'cause I'm crazy like that I went ahead and set up gmail accounts in all possible new last name combos. I'm the proud owner of:

[FIRSTNAME].[NEWLASTNAME]@gmail.com
[FIRSTNAME][MAIDENNAME][NEWLASTNAME]@gmail.com

I figure that way I have options and I need never worry about not having just the right gmail address. ha!

I also set up a gmail account specifically for wedding guests, it's

[MAIDENNAME][NEWLASTNAME]@gmail.com

I wanted to have a place that guests could reach us that both Mr. Fairfax and I had access too and where e-mails from guests would NOT get lost in the horrible clutter of our personal inboxes. I tried to stress on our wedding website that guests should feel free to contact us there, and we would love to hear from them. I know as a guest (where I've only know one or two other people attending) I've been hesitant to contact the bride or groom because I'm sure they're very busy!

So far just the Harris Teeter weekly sale updates* have been arriving in the in box, until today!
We sent our save the dates out last week and I received a message from a guest who won't be able to attend and wanted to let us know. Bummer, since it's an old dear friend of Mr. Fairfax's family, but this is exactly what I set the e-mail up for, so mission accomplished!

How have you communicated with guests before the wedding? Did you set up your married name gmail yet?

*Just wanted to make sure it works...plus looking at an empty inbox is sad. At least we're guaranteed one e-mail a week!

Can I come to your wedding?

Over the past months, we have had numerous people ask if we will invite them, all of which are not being invited. First, a close friend's mother, who even offered to buy me an engagement gift, if it meant an invitation. (Is that not bribery?) I shrugged it off with a chuckle. Then it happened again. I am close with my best friend's family, all of them, and through her younger sister, her younger sister's close friends asked me if they could come. Actually pleaded. And showed disappointment. Whats even funnier is when I told my best friend's sister, she said, "Eh, its ok. One of them can be my +1" To which I literally laughed aloud, "+1???" A few days after that, someone scolded Mr. CP in public, "I can't believe I am not invited!!!!!!" Do people not realize how difficult this is? I mean, is my wedding really that exciting for everyone else? All of these were minor compared to what I just dealt with.
A cousin of mine asked me today if her boyfriend was invited. Now, the story behind this is that she is separated from her husband, not divorced for kids sake, and she has been dating her boyfriend for over a year, but no one in the family has met him, and they are planning to live together before my wedding. Well to make a long story short, she used some Jewish guilt and some threats and said she won't come without him. (DISCLOSURE: she is really sweet, and meant it in the nicest way possible, but won't travel this far alone) On one hand, I feel for her. As talked about before, I have been invited to a wedding without Mr. CP and was sad I couldn't show off my great boyfriend (and we were living together), but on the other hand I feel like she really backed me into a corner.
Did you or are you having similar stories? How did you respond?

Plus One?

Dear readers, I have a dilemma.

Mr. GP and I are ramping up to send out our Save The Dates next week. But while finalizing the guest list we have a couple dilemmas.

We have a few friends that are in relationships - some of the Significant Others we know, are friends with, and see often. Others? Well...not so much.

Now the thing is, we didn't want to invite those who were not married/engaged/living together with guest. But we have a few friends who are in relationships, long term relationships (longer than Mr. GP and I have been together) who well...I feel like we kind of HAVE to invite them with a guest. Even though they are neither married, nor engaged, nor living together.

But how do we invite....say...two or three of these friends with guest and the others - even if they're in relationships though not necessarily long term (nor have we met the Significant Other)- without guest? You can't right? But it's just, for instance, not appealing to me to invite a good friend of mine with his girlfriend who is still in college that I've never even met. That might be me being stingy with my guest list but the room holds 110 - we were shooting to invite 100 to keep numbers down and we're at 111 not including the 7 people we count as children (jr. bridesmaid, ring bearer and brother, etc..) so 118 total. Five more puts us over 120.

It would only add 4 maybe 5 people to the guest list so it might be worth it to suck it up especially since a large number of these people are traveling from out of town.

What is your Plus One policy??

The Numbers Game

For our wedding, the outdoor ceremony space has a maximum capacity of 150, which is great for us, because it helps us limit our guest count. So far we have 164 guests on our list, including children. In an effort to involve our parents, and to delegate a time-consuming task, FI and I decided to have our mothers gather the contact information for family guests. I created handy little spreadsheets for each of our moms to collect the contact information and legal names of our family members. That may sound weird, but after 25+ years of calling a cousin Junior, and his father Jesse, we learned that they're both actually named Dillard! (Names have been slightly modified.) Our moms were definitely the right people to help us gather accurate information. So, I emailed and snail-mailed the spreadsheets of about 50 family members to each mom, and a few weeks later, we receive the completed spreadsheets back. However, one list that had 50 guests when it was sent had now mysteriously grown to almost 70! We had to fix that pretty quickly, and our guest list remains at 164.

If there are any other brides delegating the task of gathering guest information, please review the incoming information carefully, to be sure your guest count remains the same.