Name Change Debate Solved!

After hemming and hawing for over a year and changing my mind countless times, I finally decided on my married name. I made this pronouncement sometime last week, and this internal debate has been going on for so long that my guy said, “Okay, see you when you change your mind next week!” Well, it’s next week, and guess what? I didn’t change my mind!

See, originally I thought that this would be an easy thing. For years I was determined! I was convinced that my maiden name was so horrendous that, as soon as I got married, I would plow down old ladies with walkers to get to the Social Security office to have my name officially changed.

(You might be thinking to yourself, her name can’t be THAT bad. Much like Obama, yes it can. My last name is a blatant sexual innuendo that made high school an absolute hoot!)

Well, when my guy proposed, I was excited. (Duh.) What I was surprisingly not excited about was changing my name. It was tough, though. Because my first name and his last name alone make pretty little music. Even the signature is gorgeous.

Not only that, it’s significantly shorter than my current name, which clocks in at eighteen letters, first and last. My name is so long that I have to shorten my signature by using only my first initial and my last name. Even then, I kind of phone it in with the last name, which usually ends up being a giant squiggle. When I took standardized tests in school, my first name was always cut off by one letter.

Well, I can chuck all of my dreams of happy name-writing goodbye, because in the end, I couldn’t part with my last name. It used to be some sort of perverse scarlet letter (like when parents name their kids Rain Mossball or Foothill), but now it’s like a badge of courage. I earned that name. It’s mine. To give up the name feels like giving up a bit of my past.

But I wanted his name too, because I’m a greedy only child. Cue up the hand cramps. Now my name will clock in at TWENTY-FOUR LETTERS.

E******* M********-M*****

I’ve started practicing it. It was a bit of a mouthful at first, and my hand is still getting used to the workout, but I like it. I do have concerns, though. Will it fit on my bank card? Will it even fit on a license? Do I need to start doing hand pushups to prepare for the physical endurance tests I will be putting my right hand through?