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Sunday, November 18, 2007

New Rules Strikes Again

Terrica has outdone herself this week with the New Rules. I literally am unable to breath or see from laughing so hard. I LIVE THIS!!!!!
Everything she has alluded to is perfectly on point and I have heard brides utter these words in complete seriousness, so that I "understand their Vision".
Terrica is my new hero. Everyone subscribe to her blog. Enjoy

New Rule: Let’s cease and desist on telling people you have a designer wedding dress. You got it for $22 off of eBay. The tag even says “Oscar de la Rented“. And seriously, no one believes you anyway– you’re spending a total of 7,000 for your entire wedding with 250 guests, yet have the money for a designer gown? Ok. Sure. If you want a nice term for it, say your gown is “designer inspired”.

New Rule: No more going to bridal shows for the food and freebies when you have 95% of your wedding planned. Why are you entering to win a free 10X14 from XYZ photographer when you already have paid off the photographer for your own wedding? Oh, and FYI– eyeballing vendors’ tables while sucking the life out of a chicken bone and pawing their pictures and brochures is so uncute. Ask me how I know.

New Rule: Your wedding planner really doesn’t need you to give her a timeline. Believe it or not, she does this for a living. Giving the planner a timeline is like giving your surgeon an anatomy book. Think we’ve pretty much got it covered. Should the heavens fall and the oceans run over, thank goodness we have your timeline to fall back on.

New Rule: If you put any type of plastic on your reception tables (tablecloths, cutlery, plates, etc.), that’s an automatic 5 years in a maximum security prison. If you then say at any time, “…because I want a real classy event” while doing the above, your sentence is then changed to life with no parole.

New Rule: Stop cutting corners for your wedding! You can’t expect the very best when you get everything for your wedding at Ray Ray’s Chicken and Weddings. Anyone who claims to put “Clazz” or “Stylez” in your event is LYING TO YOU. You’ll be lucky if you don’t have the police at your wedding. The giveaway should’ve been when they showed you the birds for the dove release after the ceremony…and they were pigeons. Or maybe it should’ve been the illegal craps game going on in front of the door. Not sure. Take your pick. Public Service Announcement: Ray Ray cannot be your caterer, photographer and DJ too. Splurge a little. Get three SEPARATE vendors.

New Rule: She’s a four year old flower girl, not a Stepford Wife. Why is she in a huge replica of the bride’s dress? Furthermore, she only has an inch of hair– why do you have 30 rhinestone barrettes in it? She has on more make up than a burn victim and her head looks like a disco ball. If I were her mother, I’d probably fight you. No one will say “Oooh”, they’re probably saying “Eeewww”.

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