Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Plus One

We didn't invite most guests with a plus one. We invited the ones who were in relationships, living together, married or whatever but many guests did not get a plus one status.

One friend did....despite my better judgement. He WAS dating a girl much younger, whom he had moved in with a few months ago so I figured if I invite most others with their significant other, then he should be too.

Apparently, she recently broke up with him.

The invite was not "Friend and Guest." It was "Friend and Girlfriend." Therefore, one would think that friend would not try to bring "and guest." Any guest.

Friend is now using facebook to find a date for my wedding because you see, friend and one of my bridesmaids dated back in college. They were both in my main posse back in college, he was roommates with my ex, her and I became close pals, along with her former roommate who became another good pal of mine and a bridesmaid.

So I'm a little peeved that friend is so worried about being uncomfortable around Bridesmaid and her boyfriend (that she began dating right after they broke up in 2005) that he's advertising a guest spot to my wedding on facebook.

I find this incredibly tacky, and rude. Emily Post would be rolling over in her grave if she only knew.

Granted, I told him the other night when he told me that his girlfriend left him that he could still bring someone - but not to bring a blind date (he was trying to get ex's former roommate bridesmaid to bring a pal of hers as she grew up in Baltimore) bring someone he'd have fun with but not to feel like he HAD to bring someone - mostly because he tends to get...a little emo when his heart is broken, don't we all, but I knew that telling him he couldn't bring someone so soon after being..dare I say...dumped might not go over well.

But, we're all adults no? I'm sure he can tolerate being around his ex for a few hours... they both went to a wedding of a mutual friend last year and survived.

Still though, I'm peeved. Advertising it on the facebook? Isn't that pushing the plus one limit??? I'm trying not to be super bitchy about this all, but I'm offended, especially by the fact that not everyone was invited with a guest as our policy was relationships only so should I tell him - hey I don't care if you bring someone but don't advertise it over the facebook? Or should I tell him he was invited with his girlfriend and while I'm so sorry that she broke his heart, he was invited with her not just "a guest."

What would you say? Am I over reacting??

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Blogger sK said...

i'm in a similar position, except i took the road of telling a friend she couldn't bring her boyfriend b/c we'd never met him. it's a policy we're sticking to across the board because our guest list is way too big already and we didn't invite many of our friends. i don't care if 10 people decline, our small-ish wedding is not the place for us to be meeting strangers for the first time. anyway, she's pissed at me, but i'm not backing down. of course, fh's niece is apparently bringing her b/f, but fh met him once for about 5 minutes :)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 3:42:00 PM  
Blogger Molly said...

Is there a mutual friend you can say something to, that can say something to him? Like "Dude, that's lame. Don't do that."

If you have the room for a plus one, I wouldn't b!tch about that, but I would about the Facebook thing. But I hate confrontation - so I'd try to find someone else to say something to him.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 4:15:00 PM  
Blogger Only One Heidi said...

see i'm not so concerned about the guest thing. I've thought about that - we have the room for him to bring a guest. Not a big deal. But i am still livid about the facebook thing, so I need to confront him about that at some point.... *sigh*

i still feel crappy since not everyone was invited with a guest and now he's likely bringing a random rachel that we've never met :(

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 4:17:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Fairfax said...

wowwww yeah advertising it on facebook is Ridiculous and he needs to be called on it. I don't think you're overreacting at all, this is a wedding, not a frat party. jeeeeez! if you feel comfortable confronting him, that's probably best. if you'd rather not make it a bigger issue, I like Molly's suggestion of someone else quietly telling him that's lame.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 5:42:00 PM  
Blogger Miss M said...

i would be pissed about facebook, especially since not everyone was invited with a guest (something I'm going to do too). The only guest I would want to come would be a mutual friend that you didn't get to invite, but would love to come and would have a good time. If there is someone like that, I would send him a facebook message saying stop advertising and take so and so. I would probably love to put some choice words in the status comments though:)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 5:49:00 PM  
Blogger AllieBoBallie said...

If you don't want other people grumpy about not getting a +1, I would just ask him to stop advertising on Facebook. Just tell him that only people with significant significant others received the "and guest" invites. If he's even remotely intelligent and sympathetic, he'll understand. Oh, and if possible, I would say this in person or on the phone - saying by IM, Facebook message, etc. would be a bit tacky.

Thursday, August 27, 2009 7:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it's a little tacky to be advertising it on Facebook but I'm not sure that since you already said he could bring a guest that you have that much control over who he decides to bring and how decides to try to find someone to bring. I'd be slightly annoyed as well.

I fear that we're going to have a similar situation with one of our groomsmen. He has been dating this woman on and off for probably about a year and a half. Apparently he just broke things off with her but this has happened before so neither my fiance nor I are sure that things are really over so I think we're probably going to have to add a "plus one" to his invitation even if his relationship is unstable!

Thursday, August 27, 2009 9:39:00 AM  
Blogger Only One Heidi said...

thanks for the advice gals :)

Thursday, August 27, 2009 1:19:00 PM  

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