Can I come to your wedding?
Over the past months, we have had numerous people ask if we will invite them, all of which are not being invited. First, a close friend's mother, who even offered to buy me an engagement gift, if it meant an invitation. (Is that not bribery?) I shrugged it off with a chuckle. Then it happened again. I am close with my best friend's family, all of them, and through her younger sister, her younger sister's close friends asked me if they could come. Actually pleaded. And showed disappointment. Whats even funnier is when I told my best friend's sister, she said, "Eh, its ok. One of them can be my +1" To which I literally laughed aloud, "+1???" A few days after that, someone scolded Mr. CP in public, "I can't believe I am not invited!!!!!!" Do people not realize how difficult this is? I mean, is my wedding really that exciting for everyone else? All of these were minor compared to what I just dealt with.
A cousin of mine asked me today if her boyfriend was invited. Now, the story behind this is that she is separated from her husband, not divorced for kids sake, and she has been dating her boyfriend for over a year, but no one in the family has met him, and they are planning to live together before my wedding. Well to make a long story short, she used some Jewish guilt and some threats and said she won't come without him. (DISCLOSURE: she is really sweet, and meant it in the nicest way possible, but won't travel this far alone) On one hand, I feel for her. As talked about before, I have been invited to a wedding without Mr. CP and was sad I couldn't show off my great boyfriend (and we were living together), but on the other hand I feel like she really backed me into a corner.
Did you or are you having similar stories? How did you respond?
A cousin of mine asked me today if her boyfriend was invited. Now, the story behind this is that she is separated from her husband, not divorced for kids sake, and she has been dating her boyfriend for over a year, but no one in the family has met him, and they are planning to live together before my wedding. Well to make a long story short, she used some Jewish guilt and some threats and said she won't come without him. (DISCLOSURE: she is really sweet, and meant it in the nicest way possible, but won't travel this far alone) On one hand, I feel for her. As talked about before, I have been invited to a wedding without Mr. CP and was sad I couldn't show off my great boyfriend (and we were living together), but on the other hand I feel like she really backed me into a corner.
Did you or are you having similar stories? How did you respond?
Labels: guests, Miss Cleveland Park
posted by Miss Cleveland Park at 2:39 PM
11 Comments:
I totally hear you! How tacky to ask if you're invited to someone's wedding. Talk about putting them on the spot! I would suggest refraining from talking about your wedding in front of people that aren't invited because I know from experience that they tend to think talking about the wedding = invite to the wedding. I have a co-worker who keeps referencing going to Portland, ME (where my wedding will be in August) for my wedding and I just change the subject and laugh it off because.... I did not and do not plan to invite her! I'm just praying I'll have a new job soon so I can purposefully lose touch with her to avoid the awkward "Where's my invitation?" question. OH! and we have friends (a couple who somehow found out they were maybe's) who offered to pack their own bagged lunch so we wouldn't have to pay for their meal... I mean it was obviously a joke but way to make us feel like cheapskates! I can only imagine what happens when the invites go out!
Seriously. WHO DOES THAT!?
I think this might be the best reason ever to have a small wedding. That way, you can say simply, "I'm sorry, but we are having a small wedding with immediate family and our closest friends only." Also, someone who would demand (pitch a fit for, really) an invite for their live-in lover (not boyfriend - she's married!) doesn't deserve an invite, not in my book, at least. Begging for an invite and/or being insulted when you don't get one is just as bad as kissing booty to try to be bridesmaid. It's the bride and groom's special day, not the guests. The guest are there to share the experience, not add stress to it.
That's my penny's worth.
I think what upsets me the most lately is like, this is SUCH a personal moment for me and Mr. CP. Ya know? its not really about anything else except the people we love celebrating a commitment to eachother, and it is really personal to me,...My mom keeps saying things like, I will get all positive reactions, but she will hear negative ones. I want to be like, WHO are you inviting that is talking smack about me or my wedding? Its so not about that and they shouldnt be there if the intentions are to criticize us or demand guests! GRRRRR.....
Thats tough. I think some single people don't get it, I know I didn't until I had to start thinking about budgets and the reality of wedding costs, but if your cousin was married and went through it, she should understand.
That didn't happen to us exactly, but we got engaged the Friday before T-giving in 2007 and my mother in law announced to both bridge clubs and all of her cousins that there would "be a wedding next summer" by the time we got there for T-giving, without asking us the size of the wedding or volunteering to help with the costs. She named off at least 100 couples right from the start. We had to reign her in bigtime and she ended up mad at me (still is), but what could I do. She wanted to invite my husband's number as well (we each had 75--my parents, each of us and his parents). Well, we're 28 so everyone had to be +1 and it was hard for us to get our numbers down ourselves!She got to invite 75 guests total, end of story.
wow, what incredibly rude friends and family.
I would NEVER ask.
you are just supposed to wait patiently for your invitation and see what names are on it.
to ask is rude, and to demand or beg an invite is insane.
i had a friend ask and say "i've never been to a wedding before..." and i was like errrr...it's incredibly awkward. I mean he wasn't even on the c or d list of people...but i HATE when people put you on the spot like that. I say if anyone asks just be like "well you were going to be invited until you asked" that'll teach them some manners (i kid i kid)
Yes, i get that a lot, "Ohhh! I have never been to a JEwish Wedding!!!" and I want to say, good luck with that. hahaha. As for my cousin, I know she sounds so rude, and actually, it was very out of character for her, which is why it shocked me. She made some really off-color "joke" about reasons I should do this, which I wont share because it was ridiculous and I am embarassed to share it, but that is what really fired me up
Love your blog! Just started reading.
I'm newly engaged but plan a super-fun Disney World wedding. We agreed we want no more than 60 people but my boys family has millions and millions of cousins. So we had to leave off a few who don't live in the country and we never ever speak to.
You can bet we heard from them big time and the wedding isn't even for another year. Ugh.
I HATE getting put on the spot like that! Isn't it just the worst? I've had people who I barely talk to once or twice a year ask when the wedding will be so they can go ahead and make their travel plans. I haven't figured out a good way to tell people they're really not invited...
Post a Comment
<< Home