Monday, July 30, 2007

All these expectations

I've run into the expectations roadblock, yet again. Other people's. This time it's my shower. The fiance and I do not have a big registry, there's not a lot we want, and we'd prefer, a) the money frankly, b) to grow into our new home, and buy the items when the need arises, and c) the money frankly.

This desire, I suppose, presented problems for my shower because people have been bugging me to create a registry shower, and to give them lists of things I want. But, to be honest, I really want very little. I tried to register for a whole bunch of lingerie on Amazon, but my quite conservative family thinks that these are not, excuse me, appropriate registry items. They'd like to see more bathroom, bedroom linens and kitchen do dats. Well, I don't. Not really. And I've tried to convey what I do want - lingerie, spa stuff and maybe some perfume.

But, this presents a problem. So I told my aunt that if my choices are not satisfactory to tell people to buy me what they feel is appropriate. It's all the same at this poin to me. They don't want that. What they really want is for me to give them the items that they feel are registry worthy, buy them and for me to oooh and ahhhh over them. In the end, I racked my brain for things to tell her to relay to the rest of the wedding registry propriety committee, and I'll just be happy with whatever they decide I should have.

Do I sound bitter? I am. So much of the wedding planning has been about fielding and negotiating with everyonelse's expectations of what a wedding should be, and less about what will make us happy. People get very proprietary about what they think is right.

But this shower discussion is not a battle that is worth fighting for me. People throw showers as an expression of their love for you, and if the only way to accept that love is to love what they want me to love. So be it. It's only an afternoon of smiling. And I'm sure I'm going to bake something soon....


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