Second Guessing....
This post isn't about a great idea, or an awesome find...it is actually a question to my fellow brides out there. Do you ever find yourself second guessing decisions? Obviously not the important ones, as in I have never second guessed the fact that I am marrying my wonderful fiance, that is one thing I am sure is perfect. However, all the lesser choices, have suddenly seemed too rash, to quick, what if they are not perfect? I even found myself staring at my lovely, solitaire princess cut Tiffany engagement ring, the ring I have wanted since I was a Little girl, wondering if I should have gotten a circular cut, perhaps 3 stone? It was at that moment that I knew I was over analyzing everything. How do you stop though? I have so much figured out the church, the reception site, the DJ, the photographer...then the doubt starts fading in. Is the reception site not intimate enough? is it to big? Should I really be spending this much on a wedding, should I just elope, what about a destination wedding? Seriously, these are the thoughts that have been running through my mind the last few days. Although I would love a destination wedding, with the grandparents we know this isn't possible, and the fact is I know i want to have my Friends and family there with me on my day, so I usually can talk myself out of that rut, but the other Little questions won't seem to go away. I think a main reason is I have this tendency of buying every bridal magazine I see, its true, my house is starting to look like a bridal shop, we have about 20 magazines laying around..no joke. Every time I read a new article, see a new idea, I want to incorporate it, I MUST have it. its like sensory overload. I worry that this is my only wedding, I don't want to mess it up, I don't want to regret anything. Last night, surrounded by wedding magazines, books and planners , about to have a nervous breakdown when my fiance told me, that as long as I was there the wedding would be perfect. That sweet sentiment calmed me for a little bit, but now I'm back in overload. Do you ever feel that there is just so much information? so many choices, do you worry you are making the right ones? I haven't even started the dress search yet, that's starting in November/December I'm sure that will bring a lot more questions! Anyways, Like I said at the beginning this post isn't a great idea, I just wondered if other brides out there were having trouble being decisive, or second guessing decisions they had made. I know the important part is the marriage, but I feel that there is just a bombardment of information out there and its hard not to get swept up in the fairytale!
posted by Bsam at 8:24 AM
5 Comments:
Dear Miss Alexandria,
I feel your pain. I do this constantly on what few decisions I've already made. To combat it, I call my cousin, we'll call her Miss Mobile, who got married in June.
I was her maid of honor and she is my matron of honor. For some reason, she had the most realistic and logical approach to wedding planning, while still remaining the emotional, sentimental woman she is.
Miss Mobile had 16 months to plan her wedding. The night after I put a deposit down on my venue, I called her in tears. "What if this is wrong?? I just saw the most beautiful place AND it's cheaper! I'm screwed!" I did the same thing just before I bought my dress.
Her response was this: choose something you love, whether it be the ring, the venue the dress, the flowers...and when you find something you love, stop looking at any other options in that category. You're inevitably going to find something else somewhere else that strikes your fancy, too, but you can't do it all. You can't have 10 dresses or 5 color schemes or 3 engagement rings. So maybe there is a cheaper, prettier venue somewhere else, but who cares. You chose yours because you loved it. When you look back on it, you'll cherish what was there because it was the day you got married, not worry about what you could have or should have had.
I trust her for two reasons. She was a HAPPY bride. She went with the flow and made her choices and had the most beautiful wedding. Secondly, she bought her dress a full 13 months before her wedding and never looked back. She said that on her wedding day when she put it on, she was so glad she didn't go out looking for anything else, because it was perfect and it was what she fell in love with at first sight.
I'll pass on any other advice as it comes, because like you said, these worries come in waves.
Miss Shirlington, Thank you for your wonderful advice, sometimes its nice just knowing other brides are going thru the same thoughts :) I am the first of my group of friends now to get married, its positive in someways ( no one to compare me against :)), but its negative in the fact that I have no one to bounce ideas off that has been there. ITs one reason I love this blog, its great to hear other brides in the area going thru the same thing! thanks again for the advice!
I think also a lot of it has to do with how new one is to the wedding planning process...for most people it's the first time they are really looking at wedding magazines, books, blogs, websites, etc. and there are a million cool things that are so different from weddings a decade ago and they all look great and you want them all and it's overhwhelming.
I've had a long engagement and the longer you are into the process the more you start to see the same stuff and suddenly the opposite happens...you've seen it all, nothing is new or impressive, and you crave something really imaginative...what's worse is you become almost cynical..."yeah candy bar great idea, you and everyone else" --I have to stop myself from that thinking and remind myself that most people don't go to and/or research weddings all the time so all the things you've put into your wedding will be new and great for your guests. And they don't read Martha Stewart weddings so they won't be expecting the fab stuff you see on a daily basis.
I haven't second guessed myself too much...maybe b/c I've just been so releaved each time I booked a vendor and it was over so that I could move on to the next challenge. It's kind of "out of sight" "out of mind" for me...which maybe is a bad thing!
More then a few times I've said "well for better or worse this is my band, dress, reception site, etc." and then just let it go.
I think I've been more like Miss Capitol Hill on this as well. I think this is only because I actually don't have time to ruminate on anything. As it stands I'm still behind schedule on getting things accomplished on my to-do list so my motto these days has been more like "Haste makes WASTE." Surely if I had much less going on in my life and had more time to ruminate on things I would probably feel the same way. And anything that I have been a little doubt about? I've just calmed myself by the fact that it's done now and if I rethink it it will be one more thing for me to have to fuss over.
Have you tried setting aside one day or evening a week where you don't talk about ANYthing of weddings? Like a break from it all? This has worked for me with not getting too into it so that it becomes more of a pain then a joy.
I too just started my wedding planning adventure, and I had the same experience when fiance and I went shopping for the first item: the ring. I had no idea that this huge wedding business existed b/c none of my close friends are married yet, so I was in total shock. The first time I went shopping, I came home in tears. There was so much out there and there was no way I would be able to look at everything and then decide. After 2 weeks of shopping, I told my fiance I will never find the right ring, I was so indecisive and kept telling him, ok, I'll think about this one, and come back to it after I've seen the rest.
He said to me, do you really expect to see everything out there? There's no way you can do that, even if we tried. So he told me to just pick whatever I liked, without thinking what could be out there. After that, it took only a few hours for me to find my ring, and I love it because it's so special. Even though I'm sure there are so many other great ones out there, I'm very satisfied.
So I'm hoping to keep the same thoughts going as I start searching for a dress, venue, etc. The wedding industry is too big and overwhelming and I will try my best not to get bogged down by it and concentrate on the importance of the moment: that I'm getting married!
Thank you all for this blog, it's a great resource for a wedding planning newbie like moi :)
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